Hellsing Christmas Ball
by Aaronxz
Summary: Integral holds a Christmas ball at the manor and has to show up in a dress. Anderson shows up and things go downhill from there.


Hellsing Christmas Ball

  
  
  
  


Celes had come in from a mission and was heading to her room when she noticed something odd. Alucard was walking around the manor. Instead of his usual form of movement involving flickering teleportation he was simply strolling along the hallway. He seemed to be exceedingly cheerful. With a broad smile on his face he greeted two new recruits as he passed them. Never mind the fact that the encounter left the poor boys scared peeless. 

Celes went up to him. "Master are you feeling alright? You didn't drink any holy water again did you?"

"No police girl, I'm fine." He laughed, something exceedingly disturbing to hear. "It's just my favorite time of the year."

"Christmas?" Asked Celes.

Alucard's smile diminished. "No. I don't care about that pathetic human holiday."

Well excuse me thought Celes. "So what's with your good mood all of a sudden?"

"The Hellsing Christmas ball tonight." Said Alucard smiling again.

"Out of curiosity wouldn't that be a more petty human event then Christmas in general."

"No." Said Alucard.

"Well what's the difference?" Asked Celes.

Alucard grinned showing his fangs. "Integral has to show up at the ball wearing a dress."

Celes's mind filled with shadowy images of what Integral would possibly look like wearing a dress. Then she blinked shaking her head. "Ow, Just thinking about that makes my brain hurt."

"And this year." Said Alucard. "I'm finally going to get a picture of her wearing it."

*****

  
  
  
  


Enricho Maxwell sat at his desk and looked over some reports on the current activities of Hellsing and smiled. 

At last, he thought, almost all of Hellsing will be involved in that ball of theirs. This is a golden opportunity to wipe out that stinking English sow and her vampire infested organization once and for all. 

He pressed a button on his desk. "Anderson."

Paladin Alexander Anderson came into the room. "Yes?"

"I'm sending you to England. Infiltrate the Hellsing Manor and lead the attack on them during their Christmas ball." Said Maxwell and he slid a folder across the desk to Anderson. 

"I'll leave immediately, however could I ask how I'm supposed to 'lead' an attack if I'm the only person going?" Asked Anderson.

The corner of Maxwell's mouth twitched. "Recruit your cab driver or something."

Anderson smiled, nodded, and left.

*****  
  


Walter stood outside the closed doors of Integrals room. The doors were firmly shut and locked however occasionally he would hear a muffled crash or curse.

"How the bloody hell am I supposed to fit into this thrice cursed dress?" She shouted after one particularly loud crash. 

"If you want I could probably find an instruction manual for it on the internet or something." Said Walter teasingly.

"No I think I just got it." Said Integral. Then after a pause. "Christ! How do people BREATH in these things?"

"I have no idea." Said Walter. "I have never been asked to try on a dress. Something I am now profoundly grateful for judging from your report on the experience."

"Nice try Walter. Alucard told me about that one time when the manor used to have it's own tailor and dressmaker."

"Oh...did he?"

"Yes I seem to remember him saying that one day the dressmakers dummy broke just before a huge ball and she grabbed you to use as a replacement."

"I'll ask you to kindly refrain from reminding me of unpleasant events in my childhood. Also remind me to have a conversation with Alucard about him telling you things from my past."

Integral just laughed.

"If you don't refrain from teasing me I will have to send a few young nobleman's sons to dance with you at the ball." Said Walter evilly. 

Integral groaned. "Please don't remind me. I've been having nightmares about those dances."

Walter sighed, despite his teasing he honestly felt sorry for Integral. Balls and other social events were just not in her nature, but as a noble she was expected to attend to them never the less. "Do you want me to come in a see if you have it on correctly?" He asked.

"NO!" Said Integral forcefully. "I don't want anyone to see me in this thing before it's necessary."

"Yes sir, my apologies." Said Walter.

Integral sighed. "I'm worry Walter, it's just that this whole thing has gotten on my last nerve."

"Apology accepted ma'am." Said Walter kindly. "However I think you should note that there are compartments I had sewn into your dress for a hidden gun."

"Walter are you saying that..."

"As a knight of the round table I feel it is appropriate for you to wear you sword at all times. Even if it is a formal occasion I know you would feel bare without it."

Integral laughed. "Thanks Walter I feel better."

Suddenly there was a loud crack from inside the room.

"Sir Integral are you alright?" Asked Walter startled, trying the lock on the door.

"Yes Walter I'm fine." Said Integral sounding annoyed. 

Hearing her voice Walter laughed under his breath. "Let me guess, Alucard tried to sneak into the room to take your picture?"

"Yup."

"Is that what the baseball bat you took in with you was for?"

"Yup."

"Is the baseball bat still in one piece."

"Nope."

*****

  
  
  
  


Alucard sat in his corridor under the mansion rubbing his head. "Stupid baseball bat." He muttered. 

He looked around the hallway and couldn't help smiling. "Figures." He said. "I'm Six hundred years old and she can still send me to my room."  


*****   
  


At the ball Celes went up to Walter who was greeting guests at the door. "So how are things going so far?" She asked him. 

"So far so good. " Said Walter. "However the ball is only just beginning." 

"Yeah I noticed." Said Celes dryly looking over the chattering nobles. "You would think that people who have so much money would spend it on events that involved more then just standing, talking, and dancing."

"It's their way." Said Walter. 

"Yeah I know." Said Celes. "Sorry I just don't have much respect for high society events."

"In understand." Said Walter. "By the way have you seen Alucard?"

"I think I saw him around here somewhere before." Said Celes. She looked around the room. "Oh no you don't!" She said suddenly running over to the table where Alucard was pouring something suspicious into the punch.

*****  
  


Outside a taxi parks a few blocks from the manor and a very tall man in a trenchcoat get's out. The silver cross on his neck glinting in the moonlight. 

He quickly walks over to the manor somehow remaining unseen despite the crowds of nobles that are arriving in drives. Occasionally a strange page of paper slips away from him and blows away on the wind.

Anderson slowly crept up on a an unfortunate guard who had slipped away from his post to have a drink of something in a hip flask he had hidden in his uniform. A few moments later he had the unconscious guard well hidden and was trying on the mans uniform. 

He peeked behind the corner and then hesitated. Walter stood at the door. Anderson had always tried to avoid confrontations with Walter. Bullet holes were one thing but getting sliced to pieces with wire was another. Then he sighed and walked up to the door. 

"Security." He said when Walter looked at him questioningly. His voice was muffled by the masked helmet he was wearing. 

"Stay out of sight. "Said Walter. "The nobles always get nervous if they realize their surrounded by masked men with guns. Even if it is for their own protection. 

Anderson nodded and walked in smiling behind his mask. He was in.

***** 

  
  
  
  


Alucard stood in the corner of the room. He was dressed not in his usual coat but a suit that Integral had ordered him to wear during the ball. He shifted in the uncomfortable attire unable to get used to it. It was only the thought of finally get picture documented proof of Integral in a dress that kept him where he was. After his last attempt to photograph Integral in her room she had also ordered him to stay solid and visible at all times during the ball. 

He really wouldn't have minded it all that much if the guests would just leave him alone. This old man wanted to strike up a conversation on politics, that young girl asked him to dance, and a thousand other people who didn't seem to understand that he wanted to be left alone and were to proud to actually leave when he asked them to. Even now one of the Hellsing soldiers was coming towards him. 

He turned around to face the masked guard. "Yes? What do you want?"

The guard said nothing, instead he spread his arms and a flurry of pages flew out from under his uniform cocooning Alucard in a paper prison. Then the guard pulled silver blade seemingly out of no where and shoved it up thru the base of Alucard's jaw, behind his chin, and up thru the top of his head.

Anderson ripped off the mask he had been wearing and pulled out another blade grinning crazily. "Time to die vampire."

It was pandemonium after this. Nobles everywhere screamed and tried to run out the door. Walter was caught in the rush of bodies and couldn't reach Alucard to help him. He also couldn't bring out his wires with endangering the innocent people around him.

Before Alucard could recover Anderson shoved blade after blade into him. Then he pulled out one final sword which had been blessed by Enricho himself to hold the power of gods own wrath. Holding it over his head he prepared for the blow that would decapitate Alucard. He intended to do a more thorough job here then he had in the train underground. 

Suddenly a door next to where the two had been fighting burst open and Integral's voice rang thru the room. 

"What's going on here!?" 

"Oh good you're here." Said Anderson not looking up. "I was just about to take care of your pet vampire here and...and ...and." He trailed off, falling silent as he stared at her.

Integral was wearing beautiful dress with her hair piled elegantly on top of her head. Anderson dropped his sword in shock and went over to Integral peering at her closely from all angles. 

"Integral, is that YOU?" He asked.

"Yes it's me, now what are you doing here." Demanded Integral.

"I don't believe it." Said Anderson. "You mean you really ARE a girl?" He poked her chest disbelievingly. 

At this point Integral decided to skip the diplomatic conversation, she simply pulled out her gun and shot the dumfounded regenerator in the head. A moment later she shot again, aiming behind her over her shoulder. "Don't even try it Alucard." She said.

Behind her Alucard, who had been freed from the pages when Anderson had fallen, though still with some blades in him held a now ruined camera. Celes peered at the bullet hole right where the camera lens had once been. 

"Wow she's good." She said.

*****

  
  
  
  


The ball was officially canceled for that year after that. A diplomatic treaty was proposed from Hellsing to The Vatican section 13 in order to prevent an incident like that from ever happening again. Incidentally each page of the treaty arrived at Maxwells office in a box. Each box contained a bit of Anderson in it along with the document. From Alucard calculations on Andersons regenerative ability they wouldn't have to worry about him for a long time.

The next year Integral held the ball at the manor again. However this time she wore her usual suit instead of a dress. This was her one condition for ever holding the ball again tradition or not. Though she was never able to completely discredit Alucards teasing remarks about how her dressing up would be a good battle tactic as it left her enemies completely befuddled. Her only reply when he made this comment was to shoot him several times in the face and break another baseball bat. 


End file.
